So, as some of you know, I is unfortunately a broke bitch, and I been looking for a job that pays more than my current shabby ass job.
I think I've actually lost count of how many interviews I've been to.
The last interview I went to, I got there a good hour and a half early...waited around for the managers who were still in the meeting room interviewing. When I finally go in, I found out that they thought their last interviewee was me and she was supposed to be at an interview at another branch. FHL!
So I go in there now, looking cool, thinking yeah I got this, only to find out these dumb bitches read my application wrong and were interviewing me for full time weekday instead of part-time weekend. FML!
Today, I had an interview at 1:45 in some stupid part of Brick Lane. Now let me tell you that I left my house at 12:15...arrived at Liverpool St at 1:15...the interview point was a 20 minute walk away according to London Journey Planner...I had bare time, no need to rush or speed walk.
Take out my directions and start navigating my way around East London. So I'm looking for this road Artillery Lane...Errrr why did I walk right past it and end up somewhere near Bethnal Green...Wasted 20 mins walking the wrong way. 1:36 now...I still trying to find this fucking road...I even opted to take a fucking Black cab...but alas...WHY IS ARTILLERY LANE CLOSED FOR ROAD WORKS! And why is it the smallest little side road ever?
OMG so now im running down the road trying to locate Fashion Street and then Brick Lane..the Spelman street which is supposed to be near Brick Lane...1:40...FUCK THIS SHIT...sign into my hotmail on my phone...and email the woman I had an interview with...sorry but I'm not going to make it.
No point in arriving late, you don't get the job by default. so FUCKED OFF!
So now I'm lost in the middle of brick lane, where all the fucking road signs are written in Bengali...someone explain this to me...WE ARE IN ENGLAND...WHY ARE THE ROAD SIGNS WRITTEN IN BENGALI!?
Best believe some of these fucking roads didn't even have no translation.
Bullshit.
It is now 3:50...I have sucessfully wasted four hours of my life tha I could have spent sleeping.
iCant deal with this fucking shit!
I used to be the type of person that thought...everything is a learning experience, always look for the silver lining...look on the bright side..God has something better in store for you..No, not anymore. I don't believe in God anymore..he says ask and you shall recieve...so I sit and pray and believe that he's going to bless me....all I recieve is more fuckery...
I think that because I am blindly trusting in him, he will somehow have mercy onme and keep me safe...all I recieve is more pain.
God doesn' exist for me anymore.
There is no learning curve in getting shot down every single fucking time...why is it that everything I fight for, everything I put myself out there for just turns out to be another series of mishaps and fuckery?
Don't even wanna leave the house any more, scared of what might happen next...find out that the people you love don't really love you, that no-one wants you around, that good things happen to everyone BUT you? Fuck that shit, I have enough misery to deal with as it is.
Fuck my Fucking Life!
I think I've actually lost count of how many interviews I've been to.
The last interview I went to, I got there a good hour and a half early...waited around for the managers who were still in the meeting room interviewing. When I finally go in, I found out that they thought their last interviewee was me and she was supposed to be at an interview at another branch. FHL!
So I go in there now, looking cool, thinking yeah I got this, only to find out these dumb bitches read my application wrong and were interviewing me for full time weekday instead of part-time weekend. FML!
Today, I had an interview at 1:45 in some stupid part of Brick Lane. Now let me tell you that I left my house at 12:15...arrived at Liverpool St at 1:15...the interview point was a 20 minute walk away according to London Journey Planner...I had bare time, no need to rush or speed walk.
Take out my directions and start navigating my way around East London. So I'm looking for this road Artillery Lane...Errrr why did I walk right past it and end up somewhere near Bethnal Green...Wasted 20 mins walking the wrong way. 1:36 now...I still trying to find this fucking road...I even opted to take a fucking Black cab...but alas...WHY IS ARTILLERY LANE CLOSED FOR ROAD WORKS! And why is it the smallest little side road ever?
OMG so now im running down the road trying to locate Fashion Street and then Brick Lane..the Spelman street which is supposed to be near Brick Lane...1:40...FUCK THIS SHIT...sign into my hotmail on my phone...and email the woman I had an interview with...sorry but I'm not going to make it.
No point in arriving late, you don't get the job by default. so FUCKED OFF!
So now I'm lost in the middle of brick lane, where all the fucking road signs are written in Bengali...someone explain this to me...WE ARE IN ENGLAND...WHY ARE THE ROAD SIGNS WRITTEN IN BENGALI!?
Best believe some of these fucking roads didn't even have no translation.
Bullshit.
It is now 3:50...I have sucessfully wasted four hours of my life tha I could have spent sleeping.
iCant deal with this fucking shit!
I used to be the type of person that thought...everything is a learning experience, always look for the silver lining...look on the bright side..God has something better in store for you..No, not anymore. I don't believe in God anymore..he says ask and you shall recieve...so I sit and pray and believe that he's going to bless me....all I recieve is more fuckery...
I think that because I am blindly trusting in him, he will somehow have mercy onme and keep me safe...all I recieve is more pain.
God doesn' exist for me anymore.
There is no learning curve in getting shot down every single fucking time...why is it that everything I fight for, everything I put myself out there for just turns out to be another series of mishaps and fuckery?
Don't even wanna leave the house any more, scared of what might happen next...find out that the people you love don't really love you, that no-one wants you around, that good things happen to everyone BUT you? Fuck that shit, I have enough misery to deal with as it is.
Fuck my Fucking Life!
First off. I just read your earlier posts. So you been holding all this shit in huh? It's like what the fuck is the point of a blog when you can't even blog like you want to????
ReplyDeleteOk Moving on. The job search is one that you are not alone in...and I know that isn't helpful to know, it's the truth.
As for not believing. I gotta be real. I don't believe either. I try and put my faith in God. I pray. I wonder if I am a good person. I wonder if maybe I did some fucked up shit in a past life and thats why things are the way they are (although I'm pretty sure past lives dont really jive with christianity...so maybe that's where I am going wrong???).
But hearing someone else say these things depress me. I just want to shout NO! Don't think like that. Don't give up. Keep on. Keep praying. Blessings will rain down on you eventually. And the truth is I believe it. Just not for myself.
Maybe you don't have it in you continue with blind faith. So I'll try and believe for you.
ps. Stop fucking that girls BD.
Jaded you are freaking amazing.
ReplyDeleteThe messed up thing is I don't want to stop believing, but I feel like he doesn't exist anymore and i need to believe in something that exists. My faith is at an all time low. Its horrible.
Now i'm not suicidal but I really thought today I really wouldn't mind dying because I am not living for anything right now. My heart holds nothing.
Yea I thought about that past life thing too..so maybe we ARE on the right track? I know everyone says life isnt fair, life is always cruel but why is it I see life be cruel to some then so kind, and it never shows me kindness?
I have an idea...you believe in me for me, and I'll believe in you for you because believe it or not, we deserve good things too, we deserve to smile and be blessed and be joyful.
Yes I think may have to stop fucking BD lol. I am crazy I know it.
awww pookie. keep your head up.
ReplyDeleteits not easy getting a job especially when you hold certain standards on where you want to work. you blessing will come.
"this too shall pass"
love you. it will get better
I know how you feel, had a few interviews myself this year...
ReplyDelete